The Healer's Touch

Posted on Sun Jul 17th, 2016 @ 8:00am by Captain Charybdis MacGregor & Lieutenant Commander Siivas McKenzie
Edited on on Mon Jul 18th, 2016 @ 2:14am

0 words; about a 1 minute read

Mission: Taking Chances
Location: USS Bonne Chance, Deck 6, Sickbay
Timeline: 2265
Tags: Siivas,bonnechance,telepathy

Xian, who had volunteered to monitor Charybdis sighed lightly, her trance unbroken as the emotional waves washed over and through and around her, leaving her unscathed and taking none of her with them. To Charybdis' mind, she was invisible, a passive presence in the background that merged with the haze of minds and presence that was the subconscious of the crew.

Siivas, linked to her distantly, had remained deep in his own rejuvenating trance as he meditated in his quarters, Shareen and S'tal in theirs. The pulses of what Xian observed traveled down that linkage to Siivas and through him to the others, the merge aware of what had transpired, of the battle that was waged.

"Chahriis,"' Siivas voice and image appeared standing in the darkness, reaching out and touching her hand. As his hand touched hers, she felt the contact of pressure and from that her sense of self began to build once again, forming from the formless chaotic darkness around them. The word he used, a shortening of her name, was one of the forty-seven versions of "friend" in the Deltan language, this one including "precious to me" but excluding any "sexual elements". It sounded very much like the standard word "Cherished", in fact.

As she formed completely, her form in her Starfleet uniform, Siivas smiled at her gently and cocked his head saying, "You can never be well until you are once again whole."

She smiled warmly at Siivas, mimicking his word because it seemed appropriate. "Chahriis! I am whole... ish. I am me, I am what I choose to be... I don't have to be what they made me anymore. I can just leave it behind."

The look in his eyes as she spoke belied his belief in it, and he shook his head. She pursed her lips off to the side and folded her hands behind her. "No?"

"No," he shook his head. "That part will never leave you in peace. It is the trauma of your child-personality and the false identity and the traumatic bits and pieces of another child who was not you. You are a collage of people, some created wholly, some are pieces and bits and you, Chahriis, are the collage of all of those. Unfortunately, the part you want to reject is the adhesive that holds them all together."

Sighing heavily she eased herself down to sit on the ground, her feet on the ground with her knees drawn up against her. "So what can I do, Siivas? My mind doesn't obey me... it hasn't my entire life. I was too dumb before and then they just... broke me. I was never supposed to be able to mind meld, but I am doing it. I'm terrified that I am going to hurt someone with the thing in my mind, the trap that they built in me. I still have all of the orders and directorates from the General, even if I am defying them now. Some of this I was built to do, but some of it..."

"I want to be this person," she said simply, looking up at him and patting her chest. "I have a life now, friends, responsibilities... I am someone I never dreamed I could be, and I want to stay this way. He needs me like this."

"You don't have to stop being this person," he stepped over and squatted down, touching her right kneecap with outstretched fingertips, giving her a warm and loving smile. "You deserve to be all of this person, the entire person, whole, unbroken. Right now you're like an old worn rag doll passed from mother to daughter for generations, frayed and torn. At any moment a seam is going to split and all the stuffing in going to come out and the man you profess to love is going to see is all at once, everything you've hidden away."

At that she frowned... as dreams went this was an odd turn of events.

"I really don't like that idea at all," she replied, her anxiety level rising. Somehow the imagery of a seam splitting and everything tumbling out was actually rather frightening to her... perhaps because it was a fear of which she had subconsciously fostered but had shoved aside while she tried to deal with the more tangible challenges. "I don't want that to happen... what can I do?"

"I will help you," Siivas offered and turned his hand palm up, offering it to her silently as he squatted before her. "Like it or not, you are becoming a telepath; your Vulcan heritage is awakening despite ten-thousand years of evolutionary drift. Learning control of those abilities and accepting them is the first step to becoming a whole person, a mother and a wife." He paused, still smiling and added, "If that is still what you want."

"Yes! More than anything!" she answered immediately, perhaps a bit too quickly. She blushed, a minty green rising to her cheeks and she looked embarrassed. Hesitantly she raised her hand to place her palm against his own.

"My... my thing, the trap, the memory they left me... it cannot hurt you because you're part of my subconscious, right?"

"No Chahriis," he smiled and clasped her hand in both of his gently. "It cannot hurt me because I'm not hurting you or invading your mind. It's a trap but it can be circumvented if you know it's there."

"Oh... I didn't realize that! So I won't hurt Patrick... that's a huge relief." She smiled and relaxed, then giggled. "So what now, sensei?"

"I'm going to teach you how to keep it to yourself," Siivas explained. "So you can meld with him on purpose, to share with him the special intimacy, sensations and feelings that only those like us can give those we love."

Enthusiastically she nodded, smiling... it certainly sounded good to her, and at that point she began to realize that this wasn't any sort of dream, nor was this some product of her subconscious mind wearing the face of the Doctor that she respected and cared for... this really was Siivas. She'd had no idea that he could do such things... but then, she was certainly no expert in this arena.

It dawned on her that he knew her secret... and then she realized that he had always known her secret, and more, he knew all about her. He was a telepath... he had likely known who and what she was from the moment he'd met her, but he had given her a chance to be who she could become, to prove herself.

And had befriended her, even though he had known all along. More, he had tended to her and given her the time to grow on her own and find her own way.

Now he was willing to teach her, to show her how to control herself, how to be so much more, to master the gifts she had never earned but had been stolen from another and thrust upon her. It brought tears to her eyes... to have such friends, to know such trust was more than she had ever imagined.

Siivas 'showed' her, as sensation, as if it were a muscle and she was learning it was there the first time. He showed her how to flex it to reach beyond touch, how to stretch it wider than just one person and how to relax it so that it lay quiet and ready to be called. And once she had seen how it was done, how it was so elementary, it was child-like in its simplicity.

Her fears subsided and faded... she would hurt no one with her gift, least of all those she loved. She could master herself, and in turn begin to stitch herself back together, accepting the parts and pieces as a conglomerate of the whole. It would take time and contemplation and self examination... and likely no small amount of continued consultation with Siivas, and by extension she could feel the others.

But it was a start. And it felt very, very good to feel safe, even out of Patrick's arms. Though she missed him, she would return to him made more whole, more centered... more healed.

 

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