Coffee Cup Philosophy

Posted on Tue Sep 6th, 2016 @ 12:11am by Captain Charybdis MacGregor & Commander Yuna Raza
Edited on on Tue Sep 6th, 2016 @ 12:17am

0 words; about a 1 minute read

Mission: Taking Chances
Location: USS Bonne Chance, about the ship
Timeline: 2265

The morning had slipped past her, and she never ate during duty shifts unless she was forced to do so. Thus her after-shift meal was rapidly becoming the most important meal of the day to the newly-minted Lieutenant Commander, and she had her plate stacked with two cheeseburgers, some fried potatoes and an Andorian salad with extra frum.

She was looking about for a place to sit in the galley when she spotted Yuna, then hesitated... she wasn't sure how she would feel after the away mission, and she was apparently not very good at reading the Trill's emotional states. Plus what worked with others didn't seem to work so well with the Security chief. She debated what to do, then erred on the side of caution and sat down at an empty table.

Yuna looked up from her coffee, nursing the guilt from the away mission and letting the stars in the tiny viewport soothe her frayed nerves. Losing someone on an away mission, in particular a senior officer sucked bad at the best of times, and considering her job was security, she took the loss personally.

She sipped the coffee and tore her mind away from reliving the fatal shot over and over, and noticed that Char had entered the galley. She didn't feel like company, she didn't feel like anything at the moment.

Charybdis couldn't help it... she didn't want to meddle and she certainly didn't want to upset the Trill, but she looked so miserable. Maybe that was what they looked like in their natural state? She somehow doubted it. Yuna ignored everyone and everything, alternating between staring out the porthole and staring at her coffee. She really was all alone on this ship... and it was because she wanted to be that way, Char realized. She was alone because she chose to be that way.

Something about that disturbed her, and she considered it while she punished a cheeseburger for the crime of existing. She had been alone all through her Academy days... but she had been miserable and spent every hour that she could away from the campus and exploring the Earth, trading assignments and favors for transporter passes to escape as often as possible. But the isolation she remembered well, and she had viewed it like a prison sentence.

But then, maybe Yuna liked... no, that was it. She had told Char that she'd had friends aboard the Kurrajong, and that she'd been settled and had a life there. So she DID have friends when she chose to have them. And she had seemed to like Fiona when she had gotten to know her.

Antisocial tendencies be damned. She was the First Officer now and she outranked the surly Trill. If Celes didn't want to talk to her then she could make it an order. She stood up, picked up her tray and strode over to the solitary security chief.

Yuna looked up as Char approached before looking back down at her coffee. Damned cup was just about empty. To leave and refill it as the new XO approached would be considered rude, and since she was stuck on this boat, she had to at least be respected, if not polite. She sipped the rest of the bitter liquid, hoping Char was on her way elsewhere. Too bad about that.

For the life of her, Charybdis could not come up with anything to say. Previously their relationship had been defined by her babbling whatever was on her mind to Celes while she listened, took it all in, made a few comments... it seemed to be fine to Yuna to let Char be self absorbed and that worked for her, because she too wanted someone to talk to. But now she was just moody all of the time and the pointy-eared vamp didn't quite know how to deal with it.

She set her tray down on the table, directed her gaze at the security chief and said in an even tone, "We should talk."

" I don't know what about - I allowed your predecessor to get killed on a mission that no-one should have been injured on" Yuna lamented, letting her eyegaze drop to her coffee cup again.

Mentally Char kicked herself. Brilliant strategy, genius. Well, salvage it. She ran through the options... talk tough? Duty and responsibility? We all know the risks? Hold her hand and let her cry it out? Somehow that last one seemed a little unlikely, but she didn't know that for certain. Looks like I can't screw it up any worse, so why not...

"So you gonna let me get killed too because you're too busy being miserable to care?" She was taking a huge risk and she knew it, but if a brawl erupted in the galley she could still take the blame for it... and if she got through then maybe it would be worth it.

" I'm not miserable... I'm feeling the burden of responsibility that I should have felt BEFORE I allowed him to get shot" Yuna shot back, her eyes blazing.

The scientist's eyes narrowed and lowered as her eyebrows angled more severely than normal, and when she spoke it was in a hissing whisper that wouldn't be heard by those nearby "You know what? You win. I've tried to be your friend and to help you and talk to you and give a damn about you, and you just don't want it. Well I'm tired of getting kicked for my trouble. You want to be left alone on this boat, that's fine by me. Hell, if you want to be transferred back to your old command I'm pretty certain that I can make that happen too. All of those great friends and glorious life and incredible success you were yanked away from by fate can be yours again for the asking. Me, I'm through... I don't understand you, and I guess I'm not supposed to."

The words were harsh but the tears welling up in the science officer's eyes told a different tale as she stood up abruptly and moved to leave.

The burst of anger and honesty stop Celes in her guilt ridden tracks. She was out to make herself miserable, not others.

" I'm sorry," she said quietly.

The alien stopped and turned back to look at her, obviously struggling to control herself. "I'm sorry too. I don't know how to help you, Yuna," she said quietly.

" Have you ever had anyone you were responsible die in front of your eyes?" Yuna asked, lifting her eyes a little, almost pleading for compassion.

The alien sat down slowly. "Yes. Yes, I have... in a way. I'm no stranger to death nor loss nor pain, Celes. I do understand them rather well," she said quietly. It was no boast... instead, her voice was laced with regret.

"Would you like to talk about it somewhere a bit more private? I'm willing to listen.. for as long as it takes."

" I don't know," Celes paused. " feel like crap. Perhaps we can talk in my quarters..." she offered, needing someone to talk to but not knowing what to say.

Charybdis stood, walked over to the coffee mess and collected the pot and two cups, then turned and flicked her head towards the exit with a small smile. The invitation was there, and despite all of her words of being through, she was still trying to help.

Friends were easy to make, but hard to keep. A good friend sticks by you no matter what, some are transient, particularly when things get tough. The fact that Char wanted to help when she didn't have to told Yuna she was a real friend, one that would stick around.

The walk was short, and Yuna keyed in her access code, revealing the quarters she'd spent little time in lately. Thankfully they were clean.

" Make yourself comfortable" She offered lamely, indicating the standard issue Starfleet couch.

The cheerful Vulcan girl set the coffee urn on the desk, then poured a couple of cups. She handed one to Yuna and held onto one herself, sipping it and making a face, She was still trying to adapt to drinking coffee black, and it was obvious that she hated it, but she kept trying all the same.

"It's just us here Yuna. Nobody else is around, and what is said in this room never leaves this room, I promise. This is just you and me." She felt as though she should say more, but for the life of her she couldn't imagine what else to say... so she tried to turn the tables, and instead just listened for a change.

The coffee was glorious, but the company was what she needed more than anything.

" I don't know where to start," she said simply. "It all happened so fast. One moment we were on top of the firefight, then next, he's there, smoke rising from his chest, eyes dead and empty"

Another sip of the acrid coffee and Char nodded. Ak'Ahar had been her friend, and while she didn't want to hear this, Yuna needed to say it. "Go on."

Yuna's eyes welled up, fighting the tears she'd kept hidden since they'd gotten back.
" I couldn't help him, I should have been able to. He was supposed to stay with us not dart off like he did. I couldn't protect him" The truth sucked, and she felt her guilt start to lift with the sound of her own words.

Instinct told her to stay clear, but she had learned to follow her heart in times like this, so she reached out to put her hand on Yuna's shoulder. "Did you do the best you could?" she asked... it seemed inadequate coming out of her mouth but it was all she had.

" I couldn't do anything, I was behind the Captain, my line of fire was blocked, and I couldn't see the Nausicaan on the stage. I shouldn't have allowed myself to be in that situation, I should of kept a direct line of fire" Yuna lamented. She knew there was nothing more she could have done but it still didn't feel that way.

"He was the first officer... he knew the risks better than anyone, and I knew Mac a little bit. He lived for danger, did you know that? For him, combat was like foreplay, like sex, and if he was in front of you, then that meant that he was protecting you... and probably the Captain too. Because in his culture that was what men do. And to die like that is... is a great honor. So he's... he's probably very happy... where he is now..."

She'd made her best effort but she couldn't hold it together. "I'm sorry Yuna, I'm awful at this," she mumbled through her tears. "I know you did your best and you feel terrible but he was a great big damn hero and he got shot because that's what he did and he made sure you two got home alive and I'm glad for that and I'm sorry you feel badly but there's nothing you could have done because he wanted it that way..."

Her words ran together as tears streamed down her face and she hugged the startled Trill to her with surprising speed.

" Omph!" Yuna wasn't prepared for the hug but was thankful for the comforting warmth of one of the only friends she had now. Her tears flowed freely, interrupted only by the odd sob as it escaped unbidden. Damn her stupid emotions.

The emotionally expressive Vulcan went on for a few moments until she could compose herself once more, and she sniffled and wiped her eyes. She looked sheepishly at the released security chief, who could certainly breathe easier now. "I'm so sorry Yuna, I'm really an awful listener.

" Well at least we both got the big cry out of our systems. Thank you for listening to my babble" Celes admitted, knowing that normally it was the other way around.

"Oh, um, sure... do you feel any better?" Char asked, her voice laced with guilt. "If not I think I know of some earth customs we could try... we could tell embarrassing stories about him?"

" I believe you're referring to a wake, and such things I'm led to believe are generally accompanied by bucketloads of alcohol and embarrassing photographs. Since I don't seem to be in possession of either..." Her voice trailed off. " Honestly I barely knew the man"

"Me neither. But he seemed interesting... and I liked him. And he's gone, and we're sad... maybe that's all anyone can ask in life. That when we're gone someone will miss us, even if they didn't know us that well." The scientist shrugged; obviously philosophy wasn't her strong point.

" Hrmm, Everyone deserves to be missed" Celes waxed philosophical " Memory is sometimes the only way one lives on forever, until the day they are forgotten only then do they cease to exist" She paused for a moment " Crap that was deep"

Raising her coffee cup, which somehow she'd had the presence of mind to set down before becoming a blubbering mess, Charybdis held it aloft for a toast. "Here's to deep crap, and to memories that live on."

" Here here, and here's to good friends, and shoulders to cry on" Yuna added, clunking her coffee cup for the toast. " Here here!"

 

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