Trouble in Paradise II

Posted on Mon May 28th, 2018 @ 9:50pm by Captain Charybdis MacGregor & Captain Patrick O'Connor

0 words; about a 1 minute read

Mission: Operation: Risa!
Location: Risa, T'skani Province, private lagoon #13
Timeline: 2265

At that she laughed with wry amusement, as once again so much of what she had said was swept aside and what remained was not taken seriously. "Oh, I'm quite certain I can manage to resist you... if not, that statement certainly would have insured it. And yes, I will be happy to ask you questions... but by the same token, what's my favorite color, hmm? Would you like to know? Might you possibly be interested in getting to know me perhaps? You know of my past, yes. But what do you know about me, really?" She cocked her head, raised one eyebrow and smiled that crooked half-smile of hers.

"I do believe it is purple, like your lovely eyes, but perhaps I am mistaken. I know a bit, not everything. And I would be happy to learn more."

"Then you must also ask, Human. Just as I ask and show interest and do not assume about you, so too must you of me. It demonstrates a desire to learn of one another, to grow closer." She curled up on the couch tucking her long shapely legs beneath her while wrapping the damp towel down about her elbows like an evening wrap. "My favorite color is the blue of my uniform... it is part of the reason I chose to go Science instead of Engineering initially."

"What is Patrick O'Connor like when he's not on a starship?" she asked, leaning in toward him. "Tell me about your childhood... or about your time at the academy?" she held up a hand "I know that you can be a hero but have you ever just been a man? Do you have a favorite book? A vid? Do you like puppies?"

"And what do you wish to know of me...?" she asked gently.

"I am StarFleet, a military brat if you will from the day I was born. Been an engineer since as far back as I can remember. Been pulling things apart and putting them back together forever. I have a few hobbies that I enjoy during off hours, such as Kal-toh and the martial arts. I love music from the Earth time period of the 1980's, it just calls to me, and I enjoy watching old vid clips of ancient sports games and films, but one doesn't come to mind as a favorite. Not sure about a book either. I do enjoy tech manuals, though perhaps something by Poe might fit here. Animals are nice, but never been much of having them around as you can't have them on starships. And no, not sure I have ever been just a regular man." He sat down, a stoic look as usual on his face.

"Why is blue your favorite color? What do you like doing on your off time? Favorite foods? Music? These are things I would be happy to learn."

While much of his reply seemed to confuse her, she brightened when he asked her questions. "Welll... I like blue because it was the color of my mother's room when I was little... it was a special place where I was not allowed without her, and it has been many, many years since I have seen it. But the color always reminds me of her, and my memories of her, so it is special to me because of it. I have not seen her for nearly twenty years now, but still do I miss her- as a child she was my hero, my whole world. And this pale blue always serves to bring her to mind for me," she said, indicating the towel which was nearly the exact shade of her uniform.

"I like to read and study, I do, because I do try very hard to excel at what I do, and what may be asked of me... but in my off time... I like to watch old Earth vids of entertainments... movies they called them, because they were pictures that moved, isn't that charming? But so many of the fictions were wonderful stories of adventure and romance and heroism and love... of all of them I think Captain Blood is still my favorite... no, Stardust... no, It Happened One Night... no, the Princess Bride... oooh, it is too hard to narrow it down to just one."

"I do try to cook sometimes, but I am not gifted for cooking. Fiona says it is easy and that she will teach me, but it seems rather disastrous every time that I try. Nor sculpting... it seems I am not to create with my hands in that way. I like all sorts of music so long as it is not too formal. I am working on incorporating my dancing so I am getting better about freezing up, which makes music much more fun for me. But I like club dance music or jazz or tribal music because they are free and wild and they are played with abandon and I can dance to them and just be myself." She smiled shyly at him and asked, "Do you like to dance, other than formal dances?"

"Actually, no. I like the different formal dances like the waltz, the tango, the merengue, and I might even go as far as some Irish dance if I get enough alcohol in me, but that is the extent. I'd like to tell you I am a fun person all the time, but the truth is, most of my energy goes to my duties, and the leftover goes to essential tasks as I call them, such as controlling my senses and mood, and of course, as of late, enjoying vigorous nightly workouts with you. Though, I suppose, if you dig down into me deep enough, you might be able to pry me away to do something from time to time. My mother always said that she would be amazed if I ever left the house for anything other than one of my projects. Though she was unaware of it, she was quite wrong in a way."

"How so?" she asked, her analysis of his statements unspoken behind those violet eyes..

"Truth is, particularly in my youth, I was quite the playboy, as I am sure you have heard. I had a thing for the lasses, and the only thing I enjoyed getting my hand on more than a good engine was a pretty gal. Now, over time, that developed into a desire for a relationship, which finally happened seriously early in my Academy days, but when it ended, I went back to the more selfish playboy ways for a long time. To be honest, relationships, at least romantic one's, have never been something I have been very good at. I think it has to do with the fact that I don't often pay enough attention to others emotions, which seems to make me befriend Vulcans ironically."

The face that she made spoke a thousand words, and she worked to choose those that she spoke very carefully. "Yeahhhhh... I have seen that side of you, and I suppose it makes more sense to me now. That's... that's really kind of a very big problem for me right there, Patrick. I like my emotions. I like having them, good and bad, and not spending my life stifling them... and I don't like being judged negatively for that. So Vulcans tend not to get along with me... and they tend to be antagonistic and judgmental about it, which in turn makes me not get along with them. And when we encountered them... that was really a pretty bad day for me. And you kind of didn't really seem to be on my side... because you prefer the Vulcans?"

"I wouldn't say I prefer them. I just understand them. And I am not devoid of emotions, I just don't tap into them very easily. You might have noticed I am rather stoic much of the time."

"That could be said, yes. Why?" she asked plainly, her eyebrow arching as she crossed her arms and sat back a bit. An observer might consider her to be upset at something he had said, but she pressed on. "Why do you avoid your emotions?"

"My father was a commander in StarFleet when I was born. He was a captain by the time I was 10. I really only knew duty, honor, those sorts of things, and while he didn't outright tell me to be devoid of them, he did want me to master them rather than them master me. My closest friends growing up were Vulcans. The only reason I suppose I am not as stoic and emotionless as a Vulcan is because of my Andorian friends. I am a human that acts like a mix between Vulcans and Andorians. You should ready yourself for me to explode at any given moment." He smiled, trying to once again be jovial.

There was a long period of silence while she gnawed at her thumbnail, looking around the room until finally she composed herself once more and asked him quietly, "Is this how you wish to be?"

"It is who I am. As I said, more lies beneath the surface, but it doesn't come out often."

"That did not answer my question. I dislike it very much when you are evasive with me, and you do it often," she replied curtly.

"It isn't evasive. It is factual. You are wanting to know if I wish to alter my typical persona, and to be honest, I don't know. It is who I am. Would you be willing to change who you are if given the opportunity?"

At that she laughed rather boldly. "Yes... I rather did, and have done so considerably. I have changed who I am quite a bit... is life not a process of evolution, of learning, growth and change? So when you tell me that you are the way this way because it is what your father expected of you, and I ask if that is how you wish to be you do not know if you would wish to be otherwise? Have you no feelings of your own on the matter, no desires, no passions?"

"We are all shaped by our past, but we forge our own futures... do we not?"

"I didn't say I was upset over who I am. Yes, I act a certain way because my father shaped that, but I have branched out beyond that. I have passions and I do show them. I just personally prefer to be reserved. It doesn't mean that I have no desire to evolve, to continue to grow. It does mean that you cannot force that growth. Things must happen naturally or not at all. History on my world and others is filled with the consequences, both intended and not, of what happens when you attempt to force changes."

Reaching out to stroke his cheek, she smiled gently. "I am not trying to change you nor force you to change Patrick. I asked if this was how you wished to be, as I have some understanding of being shaped by the expectations of others." Removing her hand, she sat back once more and regarded him curiously.

"We do not communicate well, it seems... at least in this, the affairs of emotions and the heart. You prefer the Vulcan way and I abhor it... I know not of the Andorians, but I prefer the passion of the humans. And that is the one thing you do not wish to be, it seems." She chuckled slightly, "I of all people cannot cast aspersions upon anyone who acts other than their birthright, to be certain."

"We want different things from a relationship it seems, and it would not be fair of me to ask nor expect you to change for me. So to your mind where does that leave us?"

The stoic look cracked a bit, and emotion was visible, though he seemed quite out of his element. "It leaves us in a relationship, unless you wish to change that. I have been told by my mother that relationships are not something that happen overnight, that they require work. In fact, my parents are total opposites, and from the outside, you would never understand how they are together, and yet, they have been married for several decades. The heart wants what the heart wants, but that doesn't mean it is the easiest thing to achieve."

"We are not in a relationship, Patrick... that is what I have been trying to explain to you. I crave emotion and friendship and joy and being desired... you wish for restraint and calm with no visible emotion. We do not know one another, and the more we talk, the more that I realize that I know as much of you as you wish for me to know. What I do know we are opposites who want very different things. You express that you do not wish to change, but I want other than you give, which would require change."

"I called you my one, and I spoke the words of my heart- not once, but twice," she said with sad, resigned eyes. "You cannot feel my heart, only my mind and my body... perhaps it is because you do not know your own heart, or perhaps it is because you simply do not feel that way. But I cannot be one with you, I am afraid. Perhaps in time you will grow to see me that way, but it is painful for me to be alone in my feelings."

"You choose to repress, to control and to limit your passions. That is your right, and I do not ask you to change. The fault lies with me in wanting other than you are willing to give, and thus the fault of the failure of the relationship is mine alone." She smiled sadly, drawing her knees up to her chest. "I shall endeavor to learn how to be your friend, and I will still serve you faithfully and well as your First, for you have entrusted me and I shall not fail you in that, at least."

"Perhaps in time more will grow from that, and a relationship may yet be born... who can say?"

His eyes were turning a bit red, as if the anger was literally boiling over him. Even his face was getting flush, and while he had yet to say a word, he looked like a person who had just let go of ten tons of anger. He stood and took several steps away from her then turned back, a single tear running down his cheek. "For you to say that, you truly do not know me. To say that my feelings are not real, that my heart does not yearn for you, that stings me deeply. I am sorry that you can't see the emotion, sorry that you feel you require something more." He took a few more steps away. "I will leave you with your thoughts. I plan on enjoying the beautiful azure water. Feel free to join me if you so desire."

Sighing, she shook her head and watched him go. She did not argue with him, because there was no point- he did not hear her words nor understand her heart. He did not recall his own words, nor see how the results they brought about were unavoidable. All that he saw was his loss, and she would not sacrifice herself for that.

Gathering her things, she picked up her communicator.

"Charybdis to Bonne Chance. One to beam up, please." She managed to speak the words without choking up, and she was proud of herself for that. As the beam transformed her matter into energy and she shimmered out of existence, she left behind the bouquet of violet Risian lilies, the box with the necklace...

...and a wide men’s ring of polished tritanium set together on the table next to the couch.

 

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