The Waiting Is the Hardest Part

Posted on Wed Aug 3rd, 2016 @ 11:13pm by Captain Charybdis MacGregor

0 words; about a 1 minute read

Mission: Taking Chances
Location: USS Bonne Chance, Deck Five, Captain O'Conner's Quarters
Timeline: 2265

Fiona had been checked on. She had touched base with Selune, and gotten to know the Caitan pilot a little bit. She had even eaten something for a change, which was always rare when she was stressed. The Bridge was in good hands, as Lieutenant Exeter assured her when she checked on it again, and it wasn't going anywhere.

Deck Six had been paced for a while to work out her thoughts and her feelings, all of which were very conflicted and jumbled.

This was the point where she would talk to Siivas, because he would put it into simple terms and show her how the issue was nowhere near as complex as she thought it to be. Or she would talk to Patrick and then she would feel good about it all. Or Yuna would listen to her as she babbled and it all tumbled out and she would sip her coffee and nod, just letting the torrent of words flow out, occasionally offering an observation.

None of those options were possible, and Cahrybdis honestly felt a little bit lonely.

The Engineer would be all right... her faith in the team in Sickbay had been validated. Fiona's injuries had been severe, but they had patched her up and brought her through the crisis, and even now she was resting peacefully nearby. Thus her guilt was far, far lesser than it might have been, and as the redheaded spitfire had pointed out- she had been doing her duty.

While she bore responsibility for the ship and all aboard it, there would always be danger. She could not spend her time in recrimination, beating herself up with guilt. She would make command decisions, and she had to stand behind them and live with them.

Eventually Charybdis made her way to her quarters, packed up the belongings that she still had there, and in two trips had them moved to the Captain's quarters. At least she could accomplish that while Patrick was gone... the few belongings that she owned she placed unobtrusively about the quarters. She secured Janus behind the bed... he would watch over them while they slept, and if Patrick objected Janus could do it just as effectively from across the room.

She put up her two prints in the frames placed upon the wall, then realized that there were still two empty frames left on the walls. She brought up the ship's computer... her padded chair looked vaguely ridiculous and she somehow doubted that would not raise an objection from Patrick should she move it in. However, she did ponder asking him to design a more comfortable one, and he might enjoy an off hours project other than trying to foster the next generation of O'Conners, she giggled.

On the ship's computer she brought up images of Shannon, Ireland, and found a panoramic shot from a hillside with a cow of all things in the foreground that showed the rolling green hills of Patrick's homeland, and it made her smile. She wanted to see it someday in person... she had been to Ireland but not his home in specific, and somehow it called to her. She arranged for a printout to be created and delivered to his quarters, and got an immediate approval. She realized that Patrick had not logged out of his station and that she was using his login... whoops.

Logging him out after sending the request seemed the best course of action... she did not need for her activities on his desktop to be performed with his access, and she wanted nothing to appear suspicious. There could be repercussions for him if she was using his level of access, and she was not about to abuse his trust in her. He had already reprogrammed the door to recognize her biosigns after gently lecturing her about using his access code.

Stripping down, she dropped her uniform into the recycler... the bloodstain on the chest still made her heart tighten up and her eyes tear, but Fiona was going to be fine, so she needed to let it go. It had been a terrible moment, but that was a part of military service. The undercover Romulan spy could decompress over it when the away team returned... but for now she had to deal with it alone.

Such is command, she mused. She'd be happy to leave it to Patrick, all things considered.

Stepping into the sonic shower, she turned it on and a jet of water streamed out, making her screech. What in hades?!? Charybdis had encountered such things, but never aboard a starship and certainly not in the captain's shower. She looked it over for a few seconds, found the switch and changed it back over. Must have been a modification he wanted for himself, she mused, realizing that when she had not been here the night before, he must have literally taken a cold shower. It made her smile and that warm squishy feeling filled her chest, and that carried her through her shower and to bed.

Her body pillow had made the trip from her quarters... she had not anticipated needing it any longer, but Patrick was away and she would never get to sleep without something to hold onto. She lay down in the very large and very empty bed... why was it so hot in here tonight, she mused, then realized it was because the cool human beneath her was not there to draw out her exceptional body heat. She fidgeted and moved and rolled about, unable to get comfortable.

Sighing, she allowed herself a few minutes of self indulgence, and she cried a little bit. She missed Patrick... she missed her big strong Captain who could make it all right, whose smile filled her heart and whose touch she longed to feel. She missed Siivas and his patient smile and his perennial good nature. Even after talking with Fiona and Selune and processing the day, she still wasn't sure that she had done the right thing, that her actions were just and that she should not still be awash in self recrimination.

And just like that, allowing herself the luxury of admitting what she wanted and allowing herself to question her decisions, Charybdis fell right to sleep. It would not be a sound sleep, as she kept reaching for a man who was not there, and she would have nightmares of her past, as she often did. But she slept, and not all of her dreams were bad.

Some were of the future, a future that might yet be... for her and those that she loved.

 

RSS Feed